This week on Mad Men episode 406: Don used to be a fur salesman and Roger has a lot of thoughts about that. Jane Siegel’s cousin wants a job but has no skills or experience whatsoever. And Ken Cosgrove makes an appearance at the Clio Awards. So does Duck.
Don and Peggy are interviewing Danny Siegel, a potential copy writer whose only talents are wearing ugly suit jacket, writing ads that use the words “the cure for the common” whatever, and mentioning Roger Sterling in every other sentence. Then they eat him alive.
Don: ‘Hanover Bank, the cure for the common… bank.’ What about ‘Alka Seltzer, the cure for the common cold’?
Danny: ‘The cure for the common cold’ is the idiom I’m playing off.
Don: It’s an idiom. Did you know that?
Peggy: So other than your summer internship at Needam, do you have any actual advertising experience?
He doesn’t. He has also submitted other people’s ads in his portfolio. Then he tells them he’s a hard worker. They wish him the best of luck. Then he asks Don for restaurant recommendations.
Don: Am I on candid camera?
It turns out Danny is Jane’s cousin, which explains the constant references to Roger. It also turns out SCDP is up for a Clio Award. Peggy is excited. Don tries not to think about it. Then she updates Don on Vicks.
Peggy: Your new art director has been waiting for synchronicity, which involves me coming up with a bunch of ideas, chasing him down, and having him him draw all of them, and then lose them.
Don reminds her she has a deadline.
Don: And don’t think you can spend Monday hiding around corners and trying not to make eye contact. I will find you.
Peggy says she’s not the problem. Don says she is, because Stan is more experienced. Then she wishes him good luck at the awards and leaves.
Roger is starting his opening scene cigarette and talking about silent movies to Caroline, who is taking notes. It turns out the reason for this is that he is writing a memoir.
Roger: Why am I talking about silent movies?
Caroline: I suppose it’s part of the chapter on your childhood?
Roger: That part of my book is getting bigger and bigger. Why is that?
Luckily for her, someone knocks and she doesn’t have to answer.
Don comes in, looking exceedingly self-satisfied, even for Don.
Don: I thought I should tell you this in person. That kid? Cute prank.
Roger: I told him to be himself. That was pretty mean I guess. So when does he start?
Don: First of never.
Then Roger tells him that not hiring Jane’s cousin will cost him a “personal gift expenditure’ of $500 to $1000. Don does not seem bothered by this. Roger wishes him luck at the awards. Considering this episode aired the night of the Emmy’s, this timing is probably intentional.
Roger has a flashback to when he met Don, who was working as a fur salesman and doing the in-house advertising. Roger looks at Don’s ad and hands him his number.
Don: Look at that. Can I give you a call?
Roger: First of all, you need 20 of those, and second of all, no.
This scene is actually a lot funnier if you don’t realize it’s a flashback, because then it looks like Don and Roger are fur shopping together, Roger is looking for a special something, Don picks out something nice, Roger tries it on and then gives Don his number. BUT ANYWAY.
The coat is actually a present for Joan. She tries it on. Then Roger sees Don’s portfolio is also in the box, which Roger says is out of line.
Then Roger decides to put his flashback in his memoir.
In the present, they are having a meeting, but the clients are late, and the Clio’s start in an hour, so everyone starts drinking in preparation. Peggy asks whether Joan is going. Pete tells Peggy they only have four tickets, and there will be a lot of clients there. Peggy says she has work to do and leaves. Don actually looks concerned about this.
Peggy goes to Stan’s office, interrupting his presentation of an ad that never aired to two secretaries. He is wearing a leather jacket inside for some reason. Peggy kicks them out.
Peggy: Are you going to use the KKK to sell cough drops?
Stan: Until you give me something that will get my juices flowing.
Peggy: Should I get Megan back in here? Maybe she’s not repressed.
Stan: Why is it so hard for you to accept that man’s natural state is nude?
Peggy: Because I’m civilized.
Stan says she is brainwashed by society. Peggy asks whether he’s been yelled at by Don yet. Then they go to work.
At the awards, Don and Roger are drinking and wondering where their clients are, but not in a way that shows they actually care. Ted Chaough goes up to them and calls them Pebbles and Bam-Bam. Roger makes fun of how many vowels Ted has in his last name. Ted makes fun of the fact that SCDP wasn’t at the awards last year, and leaves.
Across the room, Pete and Joan are having a conversation which basically consists of Pete being paranoid. Ken Cosgrove goes up to them and feeds the paranoia by making Pete think “the old team is getting back together.” Then they leave to take their seats.
Pete: Are we merging with Gyre?
Joan: Talk to Lane.
Then they go to sit down and the ceremony starts. Pete tries to talk to Don, Don tells Pete not to talk to him right now, Pete looks like a little kid whose dog may or may not have just been hit by a car. Duck, who is drunk, interrupts the emcee, and is removed from the room. Don and Roger find this hilarious.
At the office, Stan is throwing pencils at the ceiling so they stick there. Peggy is not impressed. Then they briefly bond over not getting credit for past campaigns. The moment is almost touching until Stan goes back to making fun of her. Then they try to go back to work.
Stan: I’m going to speech-itize the whole Vicks experience.
Peggy: Should I come back when you’re through?
Stan: No, toots, grab a pencil. Someone’s going to want to get it down before it heads into the stratosphere.
Peggy: Why don’t you write down my ideas?
Stan: Look, I’ve read your brochure, I have no interest in the temperance movement.
Peggy glares.
At the awards, the category of “Best Cleansers, Waxes and Polishes” is up. Joan says, this is us. She grips Roger’s hand under the table. Don grips her hand under the table. Pete looks like he’s going to ruin his pants.
Luckily, the Glo-Coat ad wins, which everyone is happy about obviously. Don kisses Joan and goes to accept his award. Everyone hugs for about two seconds, until a secretary runs up and tells them the Life execs rented a car and are waiting at the office. Pete says he will try to convince them to reschedule. Don says they should go give a presentation and put a cherry on this thing, because he is only clever with words when he’s brooding. Pete looks like he might have ruined his pants after all.
At the office, Harry entertains the clients by telling them what happens in the next few weeks of Peyton Place, because he sees the scripts as part of his job. Pete, Joan, Don, and Roger enter to applause and Don sets the award on the table. Peggy picks it up and looks at it while everyone else shakes hands. Roger takes it from her and sets it on the table.
Don, clearly drunk, starts his presentation.
Don: So, Life cereal. It’s crispy, it’s delicious, and I know you want to associate it with health, but that’s no fun. Joey – you know what? I got it. Look, there are sweeter cereals than this, but I kept thinking about nostalgia. […] And life. That’s a scary word to anyone at any age.
Then he unveils an “Eat Life by the Bowlful” ad. Harry suggests augmenting it with a Saturday morning TV show around the Quaker Oats family. Don suggests they call it The Quaker Oats Family. Everyone laughs. Then one of the executives says when he goes back to Chicago, all they’re going to want to hear is a slogan, and he doesn’t think this is going to cut it.
Pete suggests they stay the weekend and Don will think of something. Don says he’s got it, and starts throwing out ideas like “Life is just a bowl of Life cereal” and “Life is sweet,” which is exactly why Pete suggested Life should come back Monday. Of course, one of the things Don throws out is “the cure for the common breakfast.” Of course, this is the slogan the executives like. Peggy looks like she wants to say something, but doesn’t. Don leaves and she follows him out, but because she still has nothing on Vicks, he isn’t interested. She tries to tell him that he’s a plagiarist anyway. He tells his secretary to book a room for her and Stan and that they can’t come out until they have something.
Peggy tries to speak to Lane but Pete beats her to it, and asks Lane whether they’re merging with Gyre. Lane says that Ken would be a welcome addition to the family.
Pete: Over my dead body.
Then Pete says, he’s a partner, dammit. He doesn’t appear to notice that actually saying these thoughts of his out loud is a bad idea because it makes him look like an idiot. Then he pouts like a child and reminds Lane of the time Lane made Ken head of accounts over Pete.
Pete: Approval denied.
Lane: Roger Sterling is a child. And frankly, we can’t have you pulling the cart all by yourself. Ken is proven, he’s hungry, and he has accounts.
Lane tries to flatter Pete, and invites him to lunch with Ken. Lane also says that on a personal level, he’s quite fond of Pete. Pete makes this face:
Then he leaves.
Don, Joan, and Roger are in a bar. Roger makes fun of someone in the army who is also in ads. Then Don spots Faye, excuses himself, and rescues her.
Faye: From what? A business opportunity?
Don: Did you see the part where I won?
Faye: No, but I heard about it. They’re going to put your picture on a dart board at Grey.
Then Don tells her she smells good.
Don: What do you say we get out of her, and really celebrate?
Faye: I think you’re confusing a lot of things at once right now. …I’m very happy for you.
Then she leaves.
In their hotel room, Peggy works while Stan reclines on the bed making fun of her and reading Playboy.
Peggy: So why aren’t you a nudist? You talk about it all the time.
Stan: In a liberated environment I would be. In the presence of the Pope, or say you, it’s difficult.
Then Peggy strips.
Peggy: You’re lazy, and you have no ideas.
Stan: Really.
Peggy: Let’s go.
Stan: You’re fruitcake, you know that?
Peggy: And you’re chickenshit. I can work like this, let’s get liberated.
Then Stan strips, and they start talking cough drops. Really, Peggy talks cough drops. Stan mostly looks uncomfortable.
In the bar, Roger asks Joan whether she’s really going to leave him alone with all these gold painted women. Then they’re interrupted by a woman who wants to know about Don Draper, specifically, whether his is attached. Roger says yes. Joan says no. Roger is pouty.
Roger: They don’t seem to give awards for what I do.
Joan: And what is that?
Roger: I find guys like him.
Joan says good night, and Roger watches Don laughing with the girl who just asked about them, and has another flashback, this time to when Don was a young stalker hanging out in the lobby of Sterling Cooper’s building trying to casually run into him.
Don: I think you’re a very important man at a very important agency. Maybe I am risking my job, but I’d do anything to buy you a drink and hear what you have to say.
Roger: It’s 10 a.m.
This doesn’t stop them.
In their hotel room, Peggy is still paying attention to her work. Stan is still paying attention to the ceiling.
Peggy: This pencil’s a little dull… maybe I should dip that thing in some ink and write with it.
Stan: Stop looking.
Peggy: I thought I might make it go away.
Thankfully, Stan puts on his pants. He also tells Peggy that she won.
Peggy: Won what?
Stan: The prize for the smuggest bitch in the world.
As if she didn’t know that. Peggy Olsen: Cooler Than Everyone. Then Stan goes to the bathroom.
Don, meanwhile, has gone home with the girl from the bar, and gets her to hum the jingle of the commercial she wrote in bed.
When Don wakes up, it’s noon, and Betty is on the phone, asking him where the hell he is, since he was supposed to pick up the kids two hours ago and she is supposed to be at a very important brunch. He says he’s supposed to get them Sunday. Betty says it is Sunday. Then the girl next to Don gets up, and he discovers she is a waitress. He also discovers he told her his real name. Then he goes into the washroom and pretends to shower until she leaves. When she does, he falls asleep on the couch.
Peggy shows up at his apartment to see if he’s OK, because she’s been trying to reach him since Friday. Then she tells him that the tagline they sold for Life belongs to the kid they interviewed.
Don: Call Life and tell them we’ve changed our minds.
Peggy: They loved it.
Don: It’s terrible.
Peggy: Well, neither you, nor the client, was in a condition to notice.
Don tells her to think of ten more tags. Peggy says no, she’s been working all weekend in that stupid hotel room. Don asks, what hotel room? Peggy looks like she could kill him. Instead, she suggests that they hire Danny right away to fix it.
On Monday, Lane says Cosgrove is on his way over and Pete has been added to their reservation. Pete tells Lane to bring Ken to the conference room when he gets there. This is an entire scene, it is really annoying because it is making my life harder.
In the art department, Stan explains his mock up while Peggy watches.
In his office, Don walks in to find Danny sitting on his couch. Don takes a seat and tells Danny he’ll give him $50 for the “cure for the common whatever” idea. Danny says that he doesn’t want the money, he wants a job.
Don: I don’t have to buy it. I could just use it. Take the money.
Danny: I don’t need money, I need a job.
Don: You wouldn’t even be in this room if you weren’t related to Roger.
Danny: But I am. It’s all I have.
In the conference room, Ken walks in and Pete asks Lane to leave. Then Pete and Ken sit down to the serious business of maintaining Pete’s ego.
Pete: If you’re open to the direction and tenor of my business here, I think you’d be a great addition to my team.
Ken: What’s that supposed to mean?
Pete: That things have changed in a permanent way.
Ken: I’d say nothing’s changed.
Eventually, Ken says that he can do as he’s told. Then Pete asks about his wedding plans.
Outside Don’s office, Don tells Peggy to take Danny to Joan because he’s starting Monday.
Peggy: Are you kidding?
Danny: You will not be sorry.
Don: Go away.
In his office, Roger tells a tape recorder that he always liked chocolate ice cream but his mother made him eat vanilla because it didn’t stain anything. His memoir will clearly be compelling reading. Don walks in and tells him he’s hired Jane’s cousin. Then Roger pulls out the award that Don left at the bar.
Roger: I’ll give it back if you just say one thing. You couldn’t have done it without me.
Don: Did I not say that? I was wrong.
They shake hands. Roger stands in his doorway and has another flashback.
Don: Mr. Sterling! Good morning.
Roger: Would you leave me alone?
Don: You hired me.
Roger: When?
Don: Yesterday. You said ‘welcome aboard.’
Then they get in the elevator. The contrast between the young Don Draper, who is eager, on time, and going up both figuratively and literally, and the current Don Draper, who gives presentations drunk, insults everyone around him, and has spent the last few years of his life losing everything, is extreme.
NEXT: Samsonite, fight tickets, and steak. Also: Don wears fedoras.
[Images via AMC]