Welcome to Carolyn Live Blogs Mad Men for Some Reason! Episode 5: Revenge of Betty Francis will begin shortly, just kidding, it’s actually called “The Chrysanthemum and the Sword.”
The scene opens. Don’s secretary is wearing purple, Don is discussing hypochondriacs. Walter from The Times is on the phone, wanting to know about Clearasil and Don’s reaction to Cutler Gleason and Chaough taking over the account.
Don: I don’t keep track of accounts once we resign them.
The reporter asks what his response is to Ted Chaough (Update: who I thought was Ted Shaw at first and who is played by Kevin Rahm). Don says on the record? He’s never heard of him.
The next scene opens. A meeting. Pete, following a series of interesting phone calls, has had a few conversations with the Honda motorcycle company.
Roger: Let me spare you the agony and the ecstasy of saying we are not doing business with them.
Pete: Excuse me?
Roger: I don’t expect you to understand this, but I used to be a man with lot of friends. Then World War Two came, and they were all killed by your new yellow buddies. [...] Lucky Strike is great. Meeting adjourned.
Considering Lucky Strike also made Roger dress up as Santa while various (mostly male) members of the office sat on his lap, we can conclude he feels pretty strongly about this. Pete says they aren’t really going to cut the clients? Cooper says no, Roger is just going to be left out of the loop, and they should all brush up on Japanese etiquette.
Then: The Draper household. Don has hired a babysitter and is going to meet Bethany. Sally asks after her name and doesn’t like it. Don says she has to be in bed by nine. Don leaves. Then Sally goes to bed, by which she means, cuts off her hair, because she wants to look pretty. Then she asks whether the babysitter is sleeping with Don. The babysitter changes the subject.
Don is out for dinner with Bethany, on a evening that looks much less awkward than their last. She says her hair smells like chicken, he smells it and reminds the audience that he used to be charming. He sees Ted Shaw, who will come up again in Act 3. Then she teaches him how to use chopsticks.
Don arrives home, alone. The babysitter explains about Sally’s hair cut. Don is concerned about the river of shit Betty is going to give him and pays her.
Babysitter: I really shouldn’t.
Don: Consider it severance.
When Don brings Sally home, she is wearing a hat. Betty makes her take it off and then slaps her.
Don: You didn’t have to hit her.
Betty: You’re right. Because it doesn’t do anything.
Don leaves. Betty says she wants him dead. Henry says Betty should reward Sally. Betty calls him soft.
In the office, Pete is charged with getting rid of the flowers, because they symbolize death. Don is charged with wearing a hat. Then they give a tour of the office to Honda. One asks about how Joan stays upright while everyone stares at her. Pete proves once again that his is incapable of being the appropriate level of earnest.
Then Roger comes in, and makes a scene about how he wasn’t informed about the meeting. Then he takes a seat at the head of the table. They all take their seats again. Honda explains each company has $3,000 with which to bid for the account. Roger explains that he is a jerk.
Roger: We beat you, and we beat you again, and we don’t want any of your Jap crap. So, sign on.
Cooper: If you could only know my embarrassment.
Pete: His wife’s very sick. He’s been drinking a lot.
Translator: You have our rules. We very much look forward to your presentation.
Everyone bows. Then Don goes after Roger.
Don: I’m not even talking about money right know. Have you seen that motorcycle? They love design!
Then Pete comes in. Roger says he’s promised people Don will never meet that he would never do business with them. Pete says that was all 20 years ago and that Roger is wrapping himself in the flag.
Pete: You know that every chip I make, we become less dependent on Lucky Strike and therefore less dependent on you.
Roger lunges after Pete. Don stops him.
Don: He’s right.
Pete of course has a habit of making everything about him and his accounts (and his own internal, blue-or-lavender-suit-wearing-paranoia), but in this case, he might actually be perceptive.
Then, it’s Sally’s slumber party. She has ear length hair, is on a couch with someone who is probably asleep, and is watching a movie with her hands in her lap. Then the mother walks in, is scandalized, and takes her home.
The mother: I found Sally behaving inappropriately.
Betty: What?
The mother: I found Sally playing with herself.
Betty: I am very sorry for this behaviour, and so is Sally. I would have done the same thing.
Considering she and Henry were just interrupted, this could be taken more than one way. Then Betty goes upstairs, tells Sally you don’t do those things in private and especially not in public, and that she will cut her fingers off.
Betty tells Henry that she is mortified. Henry says, what about a psychiatrist? Betty says she went to one, and it was useless. Then they go back to bed. The contrast here between which forms of sexual expression are seen as OK and which are not OK is basically smacking the audience over the head.
At the office, Roger apologizes. Sterling seems to know more than anyone about Japanese culture, and says that they it’s over, they should have received a gift yesterday. Don gets his secretary to bring in the gift, which is actually from Teddy. Pete says he thinks they’re dead in the water. They decide to shoot a commercial on spec at $3,000 for four seconds. In today’s production world, that much money probably wouldn’t be enough to get the relevant parties on the phone to get them in the room to have this meeting. I am just saying.
Betty calls Don about Sally seeing a psychiatrist. She explains the situation.
Don: Really? Boy or girl?
Sally: What’s the difference?
Then they argue. Ah, divorce.
In the office, everyone is watching a toy duck bob into water. Don interrupts them. As she leaves, Peggy says not to touch it, she wants to see how long it goes. Then they talk strategy, which is: make the other company with a bid for Honda think that Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce is making a commercial for Honda so that they have to. SCDP is not actually making a commercial. The other company is the same size, but they will have to shoot one themselves to keep up, which will bankrupt them.
They carry out this by having strategic meetings with known affiliates for the other firm which Don “accidentally” interrupts by asking if he can park his motorcycle in Joan’s office for a moment. Obviously, word gets around, the other company starts shooting, because SCDP is smarter than everyone.
Peggy rents a studio, waits until the scouts from the other firm show up, and sneaks a motorcycle into a studio in front of them. They try to get in and are turned back, and she rides it around the studio just in case they’re still listening, and also because she’s Peggy Olsen and she wants to.
Then Don has a moment with Faye. She explains that she wears a wedding ring because she “walks into a lot of offices and it helps her avoid distracting conversations.” Then Don talks about his kids.
Don: It is not going well. My ex-wife thinks my daughter needs a psychiatrist.
Faye: And I assume you’re against this.
Whatever, Faye says that as long as Sally stays on her meds, I mean, knows Don loves her, she’ll be fine.
Faye says she has to go.
Don: To your fake dinner plans with your fake husband?
Faye: Goodnight.
Betty goes to see a psychiatrist with the goal of setting Sally up with an appointment. Of course, this turns into Betty having an appointment of her own. Dr. Edna says perhaps Betty would like someone to talk to also? And convinces her to come in once a month, just to keep up with Sally’s progress.
Betty: Will you tell me what she talks about in here?
Dr. Edna: No. And the other way around as well.
Betty: Well. That’s more like it.
This entire episode is mega interesting in terms of developing conversations re: sexuality (Betty’s mom nailed her porn to her brother’s door! Probably this had some detrimental effects on her personal development, or something.). Hopefully Slate will talk about this, and I will wish I came up with their analysis first. But the commercial is over, so back to MAD TYPING.
SCDP has its appointment with Honda. Ted Shaw sees Don before he goes in and tries to psych him out by insulting his posters. But then: Don goes in, whips out the rules that Honda gave everyone to level the playing field, points out that the other company didn’t follow them, says he doesn’t want to be part of a competition like that, writes them a check for $3,000 and leaves.
Roger, meanwhile, is in his office, suffering from war flashbacks. Joan tells him to snap out of it, he fought to make the world a safer place, and he won, and now it is, and then she leaves.
Don’s secretary says Don’s daughter’s psychiatrist called. He tells her to lower her voice.
Then Lane tells Don he won the account. Because he let him. Don contests this point. Then they make jokes about splattered brains in reference to a motorcycle with windows.
Elsewhere, Sally goes to a shrink. Of course, Carla, not Betty, takes her.
NEXT: Everyone needs to talk to everyone. Pete uses the phrase “over my dead body.” Roger stands dramatically in an office doorway. And I lose my access to TV! Will live blogging continue? Probably, but it might be a little late. The questions, how will they be resolved?
[Images via AMC]