25 August 2010

Conclusions drawn about the world after finishing the Millennium Trilogy

The three covers for the Millennium Trilogy in order of publication.

  1. Theories about lesbian satanist gangs are a crucial starting point for any police investigation.
  2. Never trust your father.
  3. Never trust your guardian.
  4. Never trust your estranged twin sister.
  5. Never trust male police officers.
  6. You know what? Just don’t trust anyone.
  7. Except for investigative journalists. Especially if they make constant references to Pippi Longstocking or use Nikon cameras.
  8. Billy’s Pan Pizza is a food group.
  9. Milk, regardless of how long you leave it, never expires.
  10. People still use Palm Pilots, with which they can send and receive email, make calls, and hack into internal government and news outlet networks.
  11. If you have tattoos and piercings, you are automatically hot, but no one will understand why, because you have tattoos and piercings.
  12. A high-profile criminal case can be handled and won by a lawyer who a. has no experience with criminal justice, b. has no knowledge of her own case because her client is chronically unavailable, and c. is receiving most of her information from journalists.
  13. Getting shot in the head is no biggie. Neither is removing the bullet. Why not ask your drunk doctor friend to guide the operation?
  14. When a Palm Pilot is unavailable, hackers use Macs.
  15. It is totally reasonable for a small monthly magazine with a staff of nine on a good day to spend 150,000 kroner investigating a single story.
  16. Anyone getting on a train going to or departing from Central Station is required, by law, to visit the restaurant car for coffee and sandwiches.
  17. If you are a lesbian and own a strap-on, handcuffs, or latex anything, the police are allowed to ask you about it in an interview and not go before an ethics board.
  18. If you are an investigative journalist hunting the government and on deadline and feeding a lawyer information for a criminal lawsuit and you disappear for three days to have sex with your government agent girlfriend, no one will be bothered by this.
  19. Random noncommittal sex: a good way to deal with plot stagnancy.
  20. It is totally possible for a book with terrible sentence structure to sell 27 million copies and remain essentially unedited, despite the fact that the author was dead and nothing was standing in the editor’s way.